Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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