Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
