i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize