life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
