oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
