I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm like, not good at living.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
