thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
