Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
