happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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