im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Girls should come with a carfax report
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
