You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
