What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
