My liver just broke up with me...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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