Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Pooping to opera.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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