We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
