Me too!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
where does the pee come out of this thing
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
