FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
