we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
