I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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