So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
