oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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