Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
