It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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