please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You made out with two different species that night
He better not be in your backpack
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My dick has a subreddit
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
