I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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