I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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