ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
