you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize