Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my being single is dangerous.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
