Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
