When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
