Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
