That reminds me...we need to get swords
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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