dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
