when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
