Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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