i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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