you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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