I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
