I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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