I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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