Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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