I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
