is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
