time to smoke my breakfast
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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