These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
