chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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