I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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