During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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