This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is Oprah even human
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
