Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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