dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
