Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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