I am in a vortex of obligation.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
