somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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