Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
