How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
