but the lizard people decide everything anyway
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
