so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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