I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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