Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
