hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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