Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
