i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
