so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
