i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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