Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
