what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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