i permit you to call me
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
