This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
