my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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