rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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