i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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