I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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