Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
why do cheetos always look like penises
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
