so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
